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| "Look above my head," said the photographer. He wanted me to open his eyes wider and the effect was unnatural. (Image source: Laurel B.Miller) |
The industry fought back by hitting me in the face with their lame c*ck
It's the almost bare truths that gnash your teeth.
I was in my twenties when I became a bounty hunter. I told a friend of my husband's that I was trying to become a model. I tease him in casual conversation, like an opportunistic predator.
He laughed out loud and told me I looked like an Activia yogurt lady.
“What was her name again? God. It's barely out of reach of my mind. She's the one in those "Halloween" movies. And is she a hermaphrodite or whatever?"
"Jamie Lee Curtis? She's not a…hostess. WHAT. She's old! Do I look like her?"
"Kinda, yeah."
GREAT.
Then I remembered that this would be my only chance for this gig. This was my chance to grab, pull and roll. So, shaking off my humiliation, I knelt on the linoleum and blew on the guy.
How about you hire me now?
I was just kidding. I kept the clothes on and kept Jamie-Lee's nose clean.
I don't care my pearl, little eyes.
And 12 years into my modeling days, few people except my captive pimp husband can get a good look at them.
When I was one year old, I had the necessary desire for different qualities. I was not what you would call a triple threat. But my little eyes are me. I've had them for about 95 million years. And that's what made me so familiar with my husband.
"You're like a baby gator ... a hottie," Joe once smiled. pillow talk. And I think that makes him longer than the late Steve Irwin.
Only a king of the animal torture jungle would swing his Activia squashed head sling over a five foot reptile.
It's an acting job - as famous professional bully Perez Hilton would say - "putting on a good face". It is unnatural. You don't have to know someone well to see in their eyes that they aren't in hot, beastly lust with their random model chaos photographer.
There was little more than harassment and indifference from potential customers. Also, I'm more of an alligator snout scream queen than an alligator.
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"Snap, snap, motherF*ucker. (Image source: Laurel B.Miller) |
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not here to roast my body. But trying too hard to be attractive doesn't look good and I'm here now to switch to positivity. I especially like my imperfect bite. These photos happened a long time ago, but the middle friend Victoria Susanne would probably approve of the cheap shot in that last photo.
Mammary glands are for mammals, but [google search:] do crocodiles have visible nipples?
no
I must be some kind of hybrid.
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Joe is really in this picture because he made it. The picture, not me. Well yes I do. Immediately. But still. (Image source: Laurel B.Miller) |
People tell my husband he looks like an ostrich. He has a long neck, funny brown eyes and hair that always sticks up.
That makes our kids ostrich-gators.
Hopefully hybrid energy will be something for them when they start looking for mates in the wild - otherwise I might not have a grandchild.
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Oh of course me, long, long ago.m (Image source: Laurel B.Miller) |
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